77 Best Questions to Ask Relatives During Thanksgiving and Christmas to Learn More About Your Family History
The holidays are coming, which means family gatherings and at least one relative telling a story you’ve heard a hundred times. (You know the one.) But between the food and festivities, there’s an opportunity most of us overlook: learning more about our family history. After all, when else do you have so many people who know so much about your past gathered in one place? And we’re not just talking about digging up old family secrets (though those can be pretty juicy). Your relatives are living connections to people, places and stories you may never get another chance to hear about. The trick is knowing what family history questions to ask.
To help you get those conversations started, we tapped two experts from American Ancestors: David Allen Lambert, the company’s chief genealogist, and Sarah Quiat, the interim director for the Wyner Family Jewish Heritage Center. They shared the questions worth asking your relatives while you have the chance, whether you’re hoping to uncover surprising family stories or simply learn a little more about where you came from.
“Talking with relatives, especially those we see infrequently, allows them to reflect on their own lives and the lives of your shared ancestors before them,” Quiat says. “By passing what you learn from them to the next generation of your family, or to genealogical researchers, you create invaluable and unique sources of information that might not be found anywhere else.”
Read on for the questions to ask your relatives this holiday season, along with how to record them for future generations. You might be surprised by what you learn about your family—and yourself.
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What’s the best way to get started?
The best way to start is to keep things casual. You don’t need to turn Thanksgiving dinner into a formal family interview to uncover great stories. Sometimes, a simple question like “How did you celebrate this holiday growing up?” is enough to get everyone talking. From there, you can ask about the relatives, traditions and memories that come up naturally.
If you want to preserve those stories, though, Quiat recommends hitting record. “Video recording is ideal, because you can see and hear someone telling their stories,” she says. And you don’t need fancy equipment. A smartphone works just fine, as long as your relative is comfortable being recorded.
For a more structured approach, set aside time for a one-on-one conversation, prepare a few questions and find somewhere quiet where you won’t be interrupted. Quiat also recommends getting permission on camera, as well as beginning with your names, the date, the location and what you’ll be discussing. You can bring out old photographs or family keepsakes to help spark memories too. And don’t feel you have to capture everything in one sitting. Consider your relative’s energy level, and remember that different family members may recall the same event differently, so it’s worth talking to several people.
Most importantly, don’t let the pressure to do it perfectly stop you from starting. As Quiat notes, “getting something is better than waiting to get it perfect and never getting the chance.”
What should you ask your parents, grandparents and other relatives?
The best way to uncover your family’s history is to ask the people who lived it, and the right questions can reveal surprising details you never knew about your relatives. According to Lambert and Quiat, here’s what to ask:
Questions about their childhood and hometown
- What was the town or neighborhood you grew up in like?
- What was it like walking down the main street of your neighborhood when you were a child?
- What games did you love playing as a kid?
- Who was your closest childhood friend, and what did you do together?
- What did your family typically eat for dinner, where did the food come from and who prepared it?
- What was a typical day in your childhood like?
- Did anything happen while you were growing up that affected your entire town or community?
Questions about their parents, grandparents and ancestors
- What do you remember most about your grandparents?
- Who is the earliest relative you can remember, and what’s a story you recall about them?
- What stories about your ancestors did you hear growing up?
- What did your parents and grandparents do for a living?
- What are some of your favorite memories of relatives who have since passed away?
- What important lessons did your parents, grandparents or other elders teach you?
- Are there any surprising, unusual or little-known stories about relatives who are no longer alive?
Questions about family history and ancestry
- Do you know when and why our family first immigrated to this country?
- Where did your parents, grandparents or earlier ancestors live before you were born?
- Has our family surname ever changed, been shortened or been spelled differently? If so, what’s the story behind it?
- Did anyone in our family serve in the military? Which branch did they serve in, where were they stationed and what do you know about their experiences?
- Are there any old family photographs, letters, certificates or documents that could help us learn more about our ancestors?
Questions about family traditions and celebrations
- How did your family celebrate holidays and birthdays when you were growing up?
- What family traditions did your parents or grandparents pass down to you?
- Are there any family traditions you wish we still practiced today?
Questions about school and education
- What schools did you attend, and what do you remember most about them?
- Was there a teacher or mentor who had a particularly big influence on your life?
- Did you participate in any school clubs, sports or extracurricular activities?
- Did you attend college or pursue any other education or training after finishing school?
- Do you still have any school photographs, yearbooks, diplomas or other keepsakes?
Questions about their teenage years and social life
- How did you and your friends spend your free time as teenagers?
- What clubs, community groups or organizations were you involved in when you were younger?
- Who were the most important friends in your life during your teenage years and early adulthood?
- How did your social life and friendships change as you got older?
Questions about their first jobs and careers
- What was your first job, where did you work and what do you remember about the experience?
- What other jobs or careers have you had throughout your life?
- Were there any employers, co-workers or professional mentors who had a lasting impact on you?
Questions about love, marriage and raising a family
- How did you meet the person you ended up marrying?
- What do you remember about your engagement or the moment you decided to get married?
- What was your wedding day like, and where did you go on your honeymoon?
- What do you remember most about the days your children were born?
- What are some of your favorite memories of raising your children?
Questions about major historical events
- What major historical events have had the biggest impact on your life?
- How did those events affect your family, neighborhood or community?
- Were you ever personally involved in a major historical event, social movement or period of change? What was your experience like?
- Where were you when you first heard about a major news event you’ll never forget, and how did you react?
Questions about loss, remembrance and family health history
- What do you remember about the final years or days of relatives who have passed away?
- Are there any illnesses or health conditions that have affected multiple generations of our family?
- How did your family traditionally honor loved ones who passed away, including funeral or burial customs?
- What stories or memories would you most want future generations to know about relatives who are no longer with us?
Questions about their hopes and dreams
- When you were young, what did you want to do for a living, and did you end up pursuing that career?
- Did your parents want you to have a career path that you didn’t pursue?
- Did you ever want to live in a specific place—a city or country?
- Did you think about getting married and/or having children when you were young? What kind of romantic partner did you dream about meeting?
- What was something you hope to achieve that hasn’t happened yet? How about something that has?
Questions about their travels and adventures
- Did your parents take you on vacations when you were a child?
- Describe a trip you took as a child and what you remember about it.
- Do still have a bucket list of places you want to visit? Why those places?
- Did your parents play sports, and did you ever attend major sporting events?
- Describe the first trip you took on your own (without your parents) and what that was like for you.
- What’s the farthest place from home you’ve ever visited?
- What’s the most beautiful place you’ve ever seen?
- What would you consider your biggest travel adventure?
Questions about their biggest accomplishments and proudest moments
- What were you good at as a child?
- Did you ever win an award for something you did?
- Do you have a story about your parents or immediate family that stands out as a proud moment?
- Did a teacher or parent ever tell you they were proud of you for something?
- What are you most proud of achieving in your life?
Questions about what makes them happy
- What made you happy when you were a child?
- Do you have a hobby or activity you do regularly that brings you joy?
- Name three things that make you truly happy.
- Describe some of the happiest times you’ve experienced in your life.
- What do you think people should do if they want to be happier?
Questions about life lessons and advice
- When you were young, did your parents or another adult give you any specific advice you remember?
- Was that advice good, and does it still resonate with you today?
- What advice would you offer from your own experiences to others?
- What obstacles in life did you overcome?
- What do you want future generations to remember most about you?
- Has a friend or relative ever shared an important life lesson with you?
- What has life taught you?
What’s the one question people usually forget to ask and then regret?
According to Quiat, one of the most important questions people forget to ask their relatives is: What advice would you give to future generations? “It can be of great value and insight to what was most important to the family member being interviewed, and it also actively brings the person listening into the picture,” she explains. It’s a chance to discover what your loved ones value most, what lessons they’ve learned and what wisdom they hope to pass down. Who knows? Their words might be exactly what a future grandchild needs to hear someday.
And don’t forget to dig into the little details behind your family’s biggest milestones. “Genealogists yearn for details, and an interview may reveal details about an event which you may only know names and dates,” says Lambert. For example, you might know when your grandparents got married, but do you know how they first met? Who made the first move? Lambert recommends asking relatives how they met their spouses or even how their own parents and grandparents fell in love. These conversations can uncover “a deep emotional memory that is never included in genealogical records and is often lost to time,” he says. After all, the dates might be written down somewhere, but it’s the stories behind them that really bring your family history to life.
What else is important to know about your family history?
Quiat and Lambert recommend capturing the kind of information you can’t easily find in records. Think old photographs, letters, diaries and family keepsakes, including who has them and where they’re stored. These little pieces of the past can tell you just as much about your family as the names and dates on a family tree.
There are also more personal parts of family history worth exploring, though they may call for a different conversation. Medical history, for example, can reveal important information about conditions that run in the family, but it’s not necessarily something to bring up during a casual interview about childhood memories. The same goes for sensitive subjects like adoption, divorce or painful family experiences.
“Proceed with caution, and ask the person you’re interviewing what they’re comfortable sharing,” says Quiat. It also matters what you plan to do with their answers. Someone might be happy to share a personal story privately but feel differently about having it recorded or shared with the wider family. The key is to make room for those conversations without making anyone feel pressured to share more than they want to.
What should you do with this information?
You’ve asked the questions, heard the stories and maybe even uncovered a few family secrets. Now comes the important part: making sure those memories don’t get lost. Before you do anything else, back up your recordings, notes and photos. “It’s devastating to have a long conversation and lose it if your phone or recording device is damaged,” Quiat says. Her advice? “Ensure it lives in more than one place and has a digital backup.”
Once everything is safely saved, organize your findings in a way that’s easy to revisit. You might create digital folders for different relatives, put together a family history scrapbook or compile recordings and photographs into a collection everyone can access. And don’t keep all those fascinating discoveries to yourself! “Your family stories will only live on if you pass them down,” Quiat says. She recommends sharing your materials with relatives, friends or whoever will be responsible for preserving them in the future.
Want to make sure those stories survive for generations? Consider donating your materials to an archive. “An archive is the safest place for your family stories to ensure they will stay organized, preserved and waiting for future generations to explore,” Quiat says. You can contact local oral-history projects or archives to see if they’ll accept your collection. After all, the stories you save today could become the family treasures someone discovers decades from now.
About the experts
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At Reader’s Digest, we’re committed to producing high-quality content by writers with expertise and experience in their field in consultation with relevant, qualified experts. We rely on reputable primary sources, including government and professional organizations and academic institutions as well as our writers’ personal experiences where appropriate. For this piece on family history questions, Reader’s Digest Associate Editor Mariah Thomas tapped her experience covering history, family, relationships and more. We verify all facts and data, back them with credible sourcing and revisit them over time to ensure they remain accurate and up to date. Read more about our team, our contributors and our editorial policies.
Sources:
- David Allen Lambert, chief genealogist at American Ancestors; email interview, Oct. 16, 2026
- Sarah Quiat, interim director for the Wyner Family Jewish Heritage Center at American Ancestors; email interview, Oct. 16, 2026
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