My friend is Gen Z, and she loves voice notes. She sends them to me the way other people send “lol”—reflexively, constantly and without apparent concern for the consequences. I, on the other hand, have the soul of a 1940s telegram operator. I want my communication tidy, typed and editable. So naturally, we’re locked into a weird technological stalemate.
Here’s how it plays out: She records a voice note and sends it. I use my messaging app to transcribe it into text, which I then read. Then I compose my reply by voice-dictating it into my phone but sending it as a text, because I like being able to fix my words before they launch into the world. She receives my text and has her phone read it to her out loud. So we’re basically having a full conversation entirely in each other’s preferred formats, like some kind of digital United Nations negotiation. The only thing that would make this dumber is if one of us introduced a third language, perhaps Mandarin.
My core objection to voice notes? A text is text. It is meant to be read, on your own time, at your own speed, ideally while doing three other things simultaneously. The moment it requires earbuds, a quiet room and my full attention, it feels like work. Also, I just really don’t like the sound of my own voice.
But while I will freely admit to being mildly annoyed by voice notes, are they a breach of etiquette? Is it actually rude to send a voice memo instead of a text? Since I write an etiquette column, I feel professionally obligated to figure this out before one of us snaps.
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The case for voice notes (yes, I’m going to defend them)
Voice notes have become a whole thing. According to Statista data released in December 2025, 9.4 billion WhatsApp voice notes are now sent every single day—a 35% jump over the last three years—and things are accelerating. More than half of those polled feel voice notes are even replacing IRL interactions, rising to 60% among Gen Z. Proving this point, Snapchat users sent more than 2.5 billion additional voice notes in just the first three months of 2025 than they did the year prior. And this isn’t purely a young-person phenomenon: According to an older Vox/YouGov survey, 62% of Americans overall have sent a voice message—and that was in 2023, so that number is certainly higher now. Voice notes seem to be trending in that direction, which means I am becoming an outdated curmudgeon.
And look, the reasons to love them are actually pretty solid. Even I can admit that. Voice carries tone in a way that text simply can’t. My friend doesn’t send me voice notes because she’s trying to inconvenience me; she sends them because she says it feels more like a real conversation, more intimate. You can hear when someone is laughing, stressed or absolutely delighted about something, and no string of emojis fully replicates that. Plus, a 2024 Preply survey found that half of voice-note users feel the format actually strengthens their relationships. And in a time where real human relationships are under technological attack, this feels significant.
They’re also, in fairness, efficient for the sender. If you’re driving, exercising, or you just have a lot to say and don’t feel like typing a novel, a 45-second voice note gets it done. We already accept that different generations have wildly different texting styles—from Boomers who sign their texts like letters to Gen Alphas who communicate entirely in memes—so maybe (probably) voice notes are just the next chapter in that evolution.
The case against voice notes (here’s where I get to complain)
Here’s my core grievance, and I suspect it’s shared by the 30% of Americans who told Preply they find receiving voice notes annoying or inconvenient: Voice notes are asynchronous in format but synchronous in demand. In other words, you can send them like a text, but I have to listen to them like a phone call—and like a phone call, I can’t listen while I’m in a meeting, at the gym, standing in line at the store or pretty much anywhere that isn’t my couch with my earbuds in.
And speaking of phone calls, at least a voicemail has the social contract of being kept short. Voice notes have no such guardrails. They can go on. And on. There is nothing—and I mean nothing—quite like seeing a four-minute voice note arrive in your inbox when all you wanted to know was whether you’re still on for Saturday. Four minutes! That’s a TED Talk. That’s a full news segment. That’s enough time for me to deeply reconsider our friendship. And unlike a text—which, even at its most aggravating, generally nudges people to take turns—a voice note is essentially a private podcast episode, with no built-in pressure to stop and no way for the listener to interject or redirect. It’s a one-sided conversation by design.
Texts also automatically provide a written record—useful for when I need to go back and look up an address, find something the other person referenced, check party details or (as sometimes happens with my spouse) use as proof in an argument. Sure, you could go back through all your voice notes to find that info, but who has the time for that? I’ll just be late to the party, thanks. And here’s the kicker: 55% of people admit they forget to listen to voice notes altogether, and 88% forget what the message even contained, according to the aforementioned Statista survey.
Also, I probably should confess that recording a voice note gives me a lot of anxiety. I’ll do three or four takes trying to sound like a normal human, and I always end up hating the sound of my own voice. Which, when I say it out loud, suggests the real problem here might be me.
When it crosses the line
Most of the time, voice notes are a personal quirk rather than a full-on etiquette violation. But there are situations where they tip from mildly annoying to actually rude.
Sending them to someone who has told you they don’t enjoy them is the big issue. If a person has let you know—gently, or even passive-aggressively via your app’s transcription feature—that voice notes don’t work for them, continuing to send them anyway is no longer a preference clash. It’s dismissiveness. (Related: If you’re consistently ignoring someone’s texts and expecting them to work around your format, that creates the same lopsided dynamic.)
Context matters too. Sending a chatty three-minute voice note to a professional contact or a new acquaintance is a lot, because the intimacy of the format doesn’t match the formality of the relationship. And never, under any circumstances, send a voice note to deliver difficult news. That’s not intimacy; that’s just making someone’s hard day even harder while they fumble to find their earbuds.
Timing is also an important factor. Just as declining to answer a phone call and texting back instead can be problematic depending on the context, lobbing a voice note into a conversation that clearly calls for quick, back-and-forth responses is its own kind of communication mismatch. Think: a rapid-fire “are you almost here?” exchange, a quick exchange of data that people will need to refer back to later, or a group thread where people need fast answers. Read the room … or at least the chat thread.
What to do when your communication styles just don’t match
If you find yourself in a situation like mine, where two perfectly reasonable people have landed on opposite ends of the voice-note debate, the good news is that this is genuinely resolvable without a formal mediation session. The key is saying something before it becomes a silent resentment situation. A text like “Hey, I love hearing from you, but I’m usually somewhere I can’t listen, so is it OK if it takes me a bit longer to respond?” is not a confrontation. It’s a communication preference, stated kindly and subtly, with a built-in solution.
Except I did exactly that, and my friend nodded (metaphorically—she actually sent me a voice note about it) and then kept sending voice notes anyway. Turns out it just works better for her brain, and if she can’t voice-note me, she kind of stops talking to me. So now I have to ask myself: Is this glitch worth losing a yearslong friendship over? Of course it’s not. I love her! And honestly, the compromise costs me maybe a few extra minutes.
The exception is when the message is something important and the transcription gets it hilariously wrong, at which point I have to find a quiet corner, listen like an adult and accept that this is my life now. She, in turn, has had to accept that her voice notes will sometimes sit unread/unlistened to for hours while I wait for a moment of silence and that my replies will not always be immediate. We have both grown as people.
It’s also completely acceptable to respond to a voice note with a text and not feel guilty about it. You don’t have to match the format. Reciprocal communication is about responding thoughtfully, not mirroring the delivery method. What matters is that you did eventually respond and that you’re trying to meet each other somewhere. I very rarely return her message with a voice note, and that’s OK.
The verdict
Voice notes are not inherently rude. They are personal, warm and increasingly mainstream—backed by real numbers and real reasons. The intimacy case for them is legitimate. My friend isn’t wrong to love them; she’s just communicating in her own dialect, and part of any relationship is learning to translate.
But that adaptation really should go both ways. If you’re a devoted voice-note sender, it’s worth checking in occasionally with the people in your life to make sure they’re actually enjoying the experience and not silently transcribing your monologues with the resigned energy of a UN interpreter. And if you receive them, you’re allowed to gently, kindly ask for a format that works better for you.
At the end of the day, communication is only good if it actually connects two people. And right now, my friend and I are achieving full connection through a slightly unhinged relay system that involves two AI assistants and the general spirit of mutual compromise.
Which, honestly, might be the most 2026 love language I’ve ever seen.
Have a social situation you can’t stop ruminating on? Email us at advice@tmbi.com, or message Charlotte on Instagram at @CharlotteHiltonAndersen.
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Reader’s Digest has published hundreds of etiquette stories that help readers navigate communication in a changing world. We regularly cover topics such as the best messages to send for any occasion, polite habits that aren’t as polite as they seem, email and texting etiquette, business etiquette, tipping etiquette, travel etiquette and more. We’re committed to producing high-quality content by writers with expertise and experience in their field in consultation with relevant, qualified experts. We rely on reputable primary sources, including government and professional organizations and academic institutions as well as our writers’ personal experiences where appropriate. We verify all facts and data, back them with credible sourcing and revisit them over time to ensure they remain accurate and up to date. Read more about our team, our contributors and our editorial policies.
Sources:
- GlobeNewswire: “Heineken Launches New WhatsApp Technology That Swaps Voice Notes for Real Life Conversations Over a Beer”
- Marketing Dive: “Heineken swaps voice notes for beer in latest bid for IRL connections”
- Snapchat: “The Snapchat Generation Report: Where Culture Gets Real”
- NPR: “Are you getting more voice notes these days? You’re not alone”
- Preply: “Voice notes may be the new phone call, according to 40% of Americans”
- Mediapost: “Snapchat Users Sending Billions More Voice Notes”
- WRAL: “Life coach: Why teens are talking more—and typing less”
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