Here’s Why Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip Rarely Held Hands—And What Their Secret Love Language Actually Was
Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Philip were married for 73 years, but they were far from affectionate, at least when they had an audience. The pair rarely held hands in public. They didn’t even kiss in public on their wedding day! Yet the love story between the late queen and her Prince Charming was a fairy-tale one, outlasting the marriages of three of their children.
So what gives? Why didn’t they loosen up and show some public displays of affection? It turns out there’s a very valid reason, according to a new book by royal author Ian Lloyd. Ahead, I dig into the story and talk to Maria Coole, a Daily Mail reporter and the editor of The Royal List newsletter, about the couple’s enduring relationship.
Get Reader’s Digest’s Read Up newsletter for more royals, humor, travel, tech and fun facts all week long.
Why didn’t Elizabeth and Philip ever hold hands?
They simply would never have considered it. It was a very different time, and according to Lloyd’s new book, The Queen: 70 Chapters in the Life of Queen Elizabeth II, their lack of PDA was “hardly a surprise since Philip had never been shown much affection from his parents.”
Born on June 10, 1921, in Corfu, Greece, Philip was the fifth child and only son of Prince Andrew of Greece and Princess Alice. When he was 18 months old, his family was exiled and fled to Paris. He would never again experience a stable home life: Alice had a nervous breakdown and went into an institution, his sisters married German princes, and Philip was sent to school in the U.K. Before Andrew’s death in 1944, Philip spent five years estranged from his father.
In 1939, the year Philip and his father lost contact, then-Princess Elizabeth first met her future husband, during a visit to the Royal Naval College. She “never took her eyes off him the whole time,” her governess, Marion Crawford, later wrote. But you’d never know it once they started seeing each other.
“When their relationship finally blossomed during the summer of 1946, the couple gave few clues away, even to those close to them,” Lloyd writes. “Peter Ashmore, the king’s equerry, recalled Philip’s three-week stay at Balmoral, when the couple came to what Philip called ‘an understanding,'” he continues. “They certainly did not drool over each other … They scarcely held hands.”
Even in later years, Philip would favor formality over familiarity in public. Lloyd explains that Philip’s private secretary and friend, Mike Parker, tried to encourage him to show some affection to his wife in public. “He doesn’t wear his heart on his sleeve,” Parker said in 1992, according to Lloyd. “I always wanted to see him put his arms around the queen and show her how much he adored her,” Parker went on. “What you’d do for any wife. But he always sort of stood to attention. I mentioned it to him a couple of times. But he just gave me a hell of a look.”
Was that the only reason for their lack of PDA?
No. It was also simply not done back then. “You have to remember, it was a very different time,” Coole says. “Once Elizabeth came to the throne in 1952, if she’d been seen holding hands with Philip at formal events, royal protocol would have been aghast. Their generation did not do public displays of affection, and how royals behaved in public was strictly orchestrated.”
Plus, the queen prided herself on being inscrutable when she was attending formal events, explains Coole: “She rarely cracked a smile, and Philip would stand ramrod straight.”
While there is no official rule saying you can’t show affection, royal protocol means it’s understood that it should be kept to a minimum while working, she says. That’s why Charles and Camilla and William and Kate are rarely snapped holding hands when they are working. “They are there in a professional capacity, so they are shaking hands with people and greeting the public,” she says. “It wouldn’t work if they’re wandering around locked together.”
“William and Kate do show more affection than Charles and Camilla and much more than the queen and Philip, as do Harry and Meghan, but much of that is generational,” she says. However, Coole notes, there were occasions when the formality cracked. In 1999, Philip was snapped giving the queen a kiss on the cheek at the New Year’s Eve celebrations in London. “The queen’s smile was lovely,” she says.
Did Elizabeth mind this lack of PDA?
No, not at all. “Elizabeth was emotionally controlled, and the fact he wasn’t all over her was something she quite liked,” Lloyd explains. A former royal butler, Paul Burrell, also revealed a saying that they had at Buckingham Palace about the queen’s priorities: “Horses, dogs, husbands and kids, and that was the pecking order,” he said on The Secret To podcast. “Even the horses came before her husband.”
But that did not mean the couple was not in love, says Coole—far from it. “They just didn’t need to show it in public,” she says. “It was different behind palace walls.”
Were Philip and Elizabeth affectionate in private?
Absolutely. “Pictures and letters from their private life tell a very different story,” says Coole. Despite not giving a balcony kiss at their wedding in 1947 (Charles and Diana would be the first to do this, in 1981), the couple was enraptured in private.
After the wedding, Philip wrote in a letter to the Queen Mother: “Lilibet is the only thing in the world which is absolutely real to me, and my ambition is to weld the two of us into a new combined existence that will not only be able to withstand the shocks directed at us but will have a positive existence for the good. Cherish Lilibet? I wonder if that word is enough to express what is in me.”
And while their formal photos show them standing side by side, informal snaps often captured them arm in arm, picnicking at Balmoral and playing with their children. “You can see the love in their eyes, right to the end,” says Coole.
What was their love language?
One word: Lilibet. “Philip called Elizabeth her pet name throughout her life,” says Maria. He also had another adorable nickname for her: cabbage. This was seen on screen in the 2006 movie The Queen. “I enquired in royal circles and was told on very good authority that that is what the duke sometimes calls the queen,” movie screenwriter Peter Morgan told The Times.
They rarely spoke about each other, but when they did, it was extremely moving. Proof of the queen’s enduring love for Philip came in her 1997 Golden Wedding speech, when she said, “He is someone who doesn’t take easily to compliments but he has, quite simply, been my strength and stay all these years, and I, and his whole family, and this and many other countries, owe him a debt greater than he would ever claim, or we shall ever know.”
After he passed away in April 2021, the queen said in her Christmas message that year, “In the months since the death of my beloved Philip, I have drawn great comfort from the warmth and affection of the many tributes to his life and work. His sense of service, intellectual curiosity and capacity to squeeze fun out of any situation were all irrepressible. That mischievous, enquiring twinkle was as bright at the end as when I first set eyes on him.” If that’s not the language of love, we don’t know what is.
Of course, each generation’s love language is different. The queen and Philip were part of the Silent Generation—people born from 1928 to 1945, during times of global strife and economic hardship. Gestures and gifts were not about extravagance but were dignified, thoughtful and meaningful. In the words of the queen, “We see our own children and their families embrace the roles, traditions and values that mean so much to us, as these are passed from one generation to the next, sometimes being updated for changing times. I see it in my own family, and it is a source of great happiness.”
RELATED:
- Royal Scoop! Queen Elizabeth Kept a Secret Stash of This Sweet Treat in the Palace
- Are You Related to Royalty? If You Have One of These 18 Last Names, You Might Be!
- Queen Elizabeth Actually Loved Doing This Very Annoying Cleaning Task—And Yes, She Did It Herself!
About the expert
|
Why trust us
Reader’s Digest has published hundreds of stories on the British royal family, providing a behind-the-scenes look at the fascinating facets of the monarchy. We regularly cover topics including the latest royal news, the history and meaning behind time-honored traditions, and the everyday quirks of everyone’s favorite family members, from Queen Elizabeth’s daily snack to Prince William’s confessions about his home life. We’re committed to producing high-quality content by writers with expertise and experience in their field in consultation with relevant, qualified experts. We rely on reputable primary sources, including government and professional organizations and academic institutions as well as our writers’ personal experiences where appropriate. We verify all facts and data, back them with credible sourcing and revisit them over time to ensure they remain accurate and up to date. Read more about our team, our contributors and our editorial policies.
Sources:
- Maria Coole, editor of The Royal List; interviewed, April 18, 2026
- The Queen: 70 Chapters in the Life of Queen Elizabeth II by Ian Lloyd
- The Secret To: “Learning To Embrace Who You Are with Paul Burrell Part 2”
- The Little Princesses: The Story of the Queen’s Childhood by Her Nanny, Marion Crawford by Marion Crawford
- The Times: “Is it why Charles talks to the veg?”
The post Here’s Why Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip Rarely Held Hands—And What Their Secret Love Language Actually Was appeared first on Reader's Digest.
from Reader's Digest https://ift.tt/cH9PYxa
Comments
Post a Comment