I used to think I was being productive by listening to educational podcasts while grocery shopping. Two birds, one stone, maximum efficiency! I’d pop in my earbuds the moment I grabbed a cart and spend the next 45 minutes learning about the French Revolution or the psychology of hoarding while squeezing avocados. I was enriching myself. I was using my time wisely. I was also, according to my therapist, “aggressively avoiding the experience of being alone with my own thoughts.”
Well. When you put it that way.
He challenged me to shop without headphones, without anything, and just … be there. In the fluorescent lighting. With the smooth jazz. Letting my brain do whatever weird thing it wanted to do in the cereal aisle. I’m not going to lie—it was excruciating. Do you know how long the cereal aisle is when you’re not distracted? It’s basically a mile. I found myself reading nutrition labels like they were poetry. I noticed that the grocery store plays “Landslide” by Fleetwood Mac approximately every 11 minutes. I had a full existential crisis in front of the yogurt.
But as much as I hate to admit it, he was right. There’s something to be said for not constantly stuffing content into your ears. I felt more peaceful, and I didn’t forget any of the items on my list. Plus, I heard the elderly woman asking me for help and had a real conversation with the cashier.
This little experiment got me thinking about a broader etiquette question: Is it actually rude to wear headphones in public? Because when we block out the rest of the world, we really do ignore everyone else, cashiers and little old ladies included, and that doesn’t sound great when you start thinking about it. Yes, everyone’s doing it … but that doesn’t necessarily make it right. Let’s dig in to the debate below.
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The case for being a headphone hermit
We’ve all been behind this person in line at the coffee shop. They step up to the counter, AirPods firmly in place, and proceed to order an oat milk latte while very clearly still listening to something else. They do that little half-point at the menu. They don’t quite make eye contact. The barista has to repeat “What size?” three times while they do the universal “hold on” finger.
But is wearing headphones 24-7 actually rude? I polled my social media followers, and the responses ranged from “extremely rude” to “I don’t care. I’m not trying to make friends with the cashier.” I don’t think I’ve ever done an etiquette poll with more polarizing results.
One of my sons, a former retail worker, had strong feelings: “It’s not just rude—it’s dehumanizing. You’re basically treating the person helping you like a vending machine. Just press the buttons and get your stuff.”
But several friends pushed back. Kate pointed out that for people with sensory sensitivities, headphones aren’t a luxury; they’re a coping mechanism. “I wear them in public and private,” she said. “Turns out, I’ve been self-regulating my noise sensitivity this whole time.”
And then there’s my friend Josh, who simply forgets his earbuds exist, which … fair. Modern earbuds are designed to disappear. They don’t have the clear social signaling of old-school over-ear headphones that scream, “I AM LISTENING TO SOMETHING. LEAVE ME ALONE.” Now it’s entirely possible to forget you’re wearing tiny computers in your ears.
Still, the intent doesn’t change the impact. When you interact with another human being—even briefly, even transactionally—the baseline expectation is that you’re present. You don’t have to become best friends with your cashier, but you should probably be able to hear them ask if you want your receipt.
The case for not broadcasting your business to everyone within earshot
And now, the opposite end of the spectrum: people who absolutely should be wearing headphones and are militantly refusing to do so—also known as speaker scum.
You know exactly who I mean. The guy on the train watching TikToks at full volume. The woman FaceTiming in the middle of Target. The teenager whose Bluetooth speaker is apparently a medical necessity. The person in the airport gate area who has decided that everyone needs to hear their phone call about their divorce proceedings.
I once sat next to a man on a flight who watched what I can only describe as “not appropriate for a shared armrest situation” on his phone. No headphones. Just … adult content … out there for everyone, including the 10-year-old behind him. (The flight attendant handled that with more grace than I ever could have.)
This isn’t a gray area. This is just wrong. The social contract is clear: Your audio is your business. The moment it becomes my audio, it’s a problem. Headphones exist specifically to solve this problem. They are a technology designed to let you enjoy your own content without inflicting it on others. Choosing not to use them in public spaces isn’t a lifestyle choice; it’s an act of aggression against everyone within earshot.
So where’s the line?
In my unofficial social media poll, only 13% said they wear their headphones or earbuds all the time in public, and 36% said they never wear them in public—which means that the majority lie within those two extremes. And there’s a lot of ground in between. Here’s where I’ve landed after my therapist-mandated mindfulness experiment and way too much time thinking about this:
- Wearing headphones while walking around, browsing and existing in public? Totally fine. You’re not obligated to be available to the world at all times. Sometimes you need a podcast to get through a Costco run. Sometimes music makes a commute on a train bearable. Sometimes you just don’t want to hear the guy next to you on the bus explain cryptocurrency to his mother. All valid.
- Wearing headphones during direct human interaction? Take them out. Or at least take one out. (Actually removing it, rather than just pausing the podcast, is the polite thing to do.) When you’re ordering food, checking out at a register, asking someone a question or being asked a question, just be there. It takes three seconds to pause your true-crime podcast. The host will wait.
- Playing audio out loud in shared public spaces? Absolutely not. Never. Under no circumstances. I don’t care if your headphones died. I don’t care if you forgot them. Use this as an opportunity to sit in silence and think about what you’ve done.
The verdict
Is it rude to wear headphones in public? Not inherently. But it is rude to refuse to take them off when the moment calls for it, and it’s extremely rude to skip them when you should be wearing them.
As for me? I still listen to podcasts while I do my big grocery haul. (Sorry, therapist. I just couldn’t handle that much discomfort.) But I take my earbuds out the moment I approach the register, and I’ve started leaving them in my car for shorter trips.
Turns out, the grocery store is kind of interesting when you’re paying attention. Did you know they rearrange the seasonal candy display every three weeks? I do now. I have a lot of time to notice things. And honestly, I do think the quiet and boredom are good for me. At best, it’s making my brain more agile and reducing my anxiety. At the very least, it’s just made me a person who has really strong opinions about yogurt marketing.
Have a social situation you can’t stop ruminating on? Email us at advice@tmbi.com or message Charlotte on Instagram at @CharlotteHiltonAndersen.
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