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35 Chuck Norris Jokes That Will Hit You Right in the Funny Bone

Before the world enjoyed Chuck Norris jokes, there was Chuck Norris—the man who could stare down a hurricane and make mullets look heroic. The man who delivered lines like, “I don’t initiate violence, I terminate it,” without a trace of irony. And the man who turned denim into a martial-arts uniform. Norris, the quintessential ’80s action star, passed away on March 19, 2026, leaving us in tears and wondering if Death was quaking in his boots now that Chuck was on the other side.

Films like The Delta Force gave us over-the-top heroics and classic one-liners, and the series Walker, Texas Ranger brought him into our homes for nearly a decade. But then the internet came along and gave us the best jokes poking fun at his legendary toughness, and our lives were truly complete.

So let’s celebrate the legacy of a man who could do it all—including make us laugh. Read on for the ultimate roundup of Chuck Norris jokes that prove his legend lives on.

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Best Chuck Norris jokes

  • Why did Chuck Norris cross the road?
    He didn’t. The road moved out of his way.
  • What happens when Chuck Norris does a push-up?
    He doesn’t push himself up; he pushes the Earth down.
  • Why doesn’t Chuck Norris sleep?
    He waits.
  • What’s Chuck Norris’s favorite type of candy?
    Jawbreakers … for obvious reasons.
  • Why can’t Chuck Norris play hide-and-seek?
    Because good luck hiding when fear follows his shadow.
  • Why doesn’t Chuck Norris need a GPS?
    He decides where he is, and the world complies.
  • What did Chuck Norris say when he went to the ocean?
    “Time to part the water.” And yes, it listened.
  • How fast can Chuck Norris run a mile?
    Faster than the speed of light … backward.
  • Why did the chicken cross the road?
    It didn’t. Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it to the other side.
  • How does Chuck Norris make a sandwich?
    He stares at the bread until it obeys.
  • Why does Chuck Norris never get lost?
    Maps fear him.
  • What is Chuck Norris’s superpower?
    Making the impossible feel like a warm-up.
  • Why doesn’t Chuck Norris ever need a parachute?
    Gravity apologizes when he falls.
  • What did Chuck Norris do when he saw a spider?
    The spider left town.
  • How many push-ups can Chuck Norris do?
    All of them.
  • What’s Chuck Norris’s favorite game?
    Anything he hasn’t destroyed yet.
  • How does Chuck Norris make tea?
    He stares at water until it boils itself out of respect.
  • How did Chuck Norris fix his broken TV?
    He stared at it until it fixed itself.
  • How do you know Chuck Norris is at the party?
    You don’t. The party knows.

Funny Chuck Norris one-liners

  • Ghosts sit around campfires and tell Chuck Norris stories.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t call the wrong number. You pick up the wrong phone.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
  • Chuck Norris breathes air … five times a day.
  • When Chuck Norris plays dodgeball, the balls dodge him.
  • Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
  • Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
  • Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
  • Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
  • Chuck Norris knows Victoria’s secret.
  • Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.
  • The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year.
  • Time waits for no man … unless that man is Chuck Norris.
  • If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
  • Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.
  • When Chuck Norris’s parents had nightmares, they would come to his bedroom.

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Why trust us

Reader’s Digest has been telling jokes for more than 100 years, curated and reviewed over the last 20 years by Senior Features Editor Andy Simmons, a humor editor formerly of National Lampoon and the author of Now That’s Funny. We’ve earned prestigious ASME awards for our humor—including comical quips, pranks, puns, cartoons, one-liners, knock-knock jokes, riddles, memes, tweets and stories in laugh-out-loud magazine columns such as “Life in These United States,” “All in a Day’s Work,” “Laughter, the Best Medicine” and “Humor in Uniform,” as well as online collections such as short jokes, dad jokes and bad jokes so bad, they’re great. You can find a century of humor in our 2022 compendium, Reader’s Digest: Laughter, the Best Medicine. Read more about our team, our contributors and our editorial policies.

Best Short Jokes for Everyone

Comedians Reveal Their Favorite Jokes

Funny One-Liners to Get You Laughing

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