Friendship breakups don’t all look the same. Like romantic relationships, some end in dramatic blowups—harsh words, slammed doors and an unmistakable line drawn in the sand. Others fade quietly, without a final conversation at all. One day you’re talking all the time, and the next, you’re not.
Now, maybe you’re the one thinking about reaching out, wondering what you’d even say after all this time. Or maybe the situation is reversed: Your friend has resurfaced with a text, an email or a casual “thinking of you,” and you’re not sure how—or whether—to respond. You miss them, but you also remember why things ended. And the idea of that first conversation feels awkward, emotional and risky.
To help make sense of what to do next, I spoke with four therapists who specialize in relationship repair. Ahead, they explain how to fix a broken friendship—whether you caused the rift, the other person did, or life just got in the way—and how to decide when reconnecting is worth the emotional leap.
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How to fix a broken friendship
Before trying to fix a broken friendship, it helps to get clear on why you want to reconnect and what you’re hoping for. One useful framing question is whether your life would genuinely be better with this person back in it, a lens Krista Jordan, PhD, a board-certified psychologist in Austin, Texas, often uses with clients when assessing whether repair is worth the effort. “If the answer is yes, then roll up your sleeves and do some repair work.”
How to fix a broken friendship when you were in the wrong
If you caused the rift, repairing the friendship requires accountability, restraint and a willingness to listen and sit with discomfort.
Before reaching out, ask yourself:
- Are you truly ready to take responsibility for what happened? Repair won’t work if you’re still focused on defending yourself or explaining why your actions “made sense.” Licensed marriage and family therapist Everett Uhl, LMFT, advises asking yourself, “Are you ready to acknowledge your own role in contributing to the fight or incident?”
- Can you name what you regret—specifically? Vague apologies rarely land, says Uhl. Being clear about what you did or failed to do shows you understand the harm, not just that you feel bad the friendship ended.
- Do you know how you’ll show up differently going forward? Repair isn’t just about remorse—it’s about change. Uhl emphasizes the importance of being able to articulate “how you can do it differently next time.”
When you reach out:
- Own it completely. A real apology doesn’t include qualifiers like but or if, and it doesn’t shift the focus back onto your intentions. “No ‘I’m sorry, but…’ or ‘I’m sorry you felt,'” says Keisha Saunders-Waldron, LCMHCS, a licensed clinical mental health counselor supervisor with more than 20 years of experience helping people repair relationships. “Just a clean, honest apology: ‘I messed up. What I did was wrong, and I hurt you. I’m sorry.'”
- Center on how they experienced the hurt. Repair works best when the other person feels understood. That means naming how you believe your actions affected them emotionally, even if that wasn’t your intention. Psychologists call this helping the other person “feel felt,” Jordan explains.
- Resist the urge to explain yourself. Even a well-meaning context can undermine an apology. “There is no reason that belongs in an apology,” Jordan emphasizes. “That’s not the place for it.”
- Pause after apologizing. Silence is part of the process. After apologizing, Saunders-Waldron advises, “keep quiet and let them respond.” Don’t rush to fill the space or seek reassurance.
- Commit to change—and follow-through. Trust isn’t restored by words alone. You need to clearly state what you’ll do differently, and then actually do it. As Jordan explains, repair requires pledging to change and “not to continue the source of the pain.”
When the hurt was deep, more than one apology may be necessary. That doesn’t mean your friend is “holding a grudge,” Saunders-Waldron notes. “That’s them working through layers of pain.”
How to fix a broken friendship when they wronged you
If the other person caused the break, repair depends on clarity, honesty and realistic expectations.
Before reconnecting, reflect on:
- What would forgiveness actually require for you? Uhl recommends asking yourself: “What would it take to forgive this person who has harmed me? Why am I interested in bringing them back into my life? What do I need from them to trust or feel comfortable in the relationship? Are they willing to take those actions?”
- What would help you feel safe reconnecting? Emotional safety matters just as much as missing the person does. If you can’t name what safety looks like, repair may stall.
- Why do you want to reconnect now? Reaching out because you genuinely value the relationship is different from doing it out of guilt, loneliness or pressure from others, Uhl explains. And if your former friend is the one who reached out, remember that you’re not obligated to reconnect (now or ever).
When you reconnect:
- Be honest without being accusatory. Naming the specific behavior that hurt you—without attacking their character—keeps the conversation grounded. Saunders-Waldron suggests saying something like, “I miss you, but I also felt really hurt by what happened.”
- Invite conversation rather than demanding resolution. Asking whether they’re open to talking creates space for dialogue instead of forcing an outcome. At the end of your reunion, you may not be best friends again, but you’ll have taken the first step toward repairing the relationship.
- Pay attention to accountability. Whether the person can acknowledge your feelings and take responsibility “tells you everything you need to know,” Saunders-Waldron says. If accountability never shows up, reconnecting may only repeat the original harm. In those cases, letting go may be the healthier choice.
How to fix a broken friendship when you simply lost touch
Some friendships don’t end in conflict—they fade because life changes.
For a low-pressure way back in:
- Acknowledge the time gap openly. Naming that life got busy helps prevent the other person from interpreting the distance as intentional or dismissive.
- Make space for their feelings. Even without conflict, your friend may have felt sad, confused or irritated about losing touch. Acknowledging that possibility helps the reconnection feel safer, Jordan explains.
- Express why the friendship mattered. Did you go radio silent on an old pal from grade school? Did you drift away from your chosen family after having a child? Think about why those relationships meant so much to you, then let your friend know how much they matter. Sharing that the relationship was important—and still is—signals intention rather than nostalgia.
- Leave the response open-ended. Allowing the other person to respond on their own timeline reduces pressure and increases the chance of a genuine reconnection.
Even faded friendships can carry unspoken emotions, and addressing that up front makes repair more likely to succeed, Jordan notes.
Tips for taking that awkward first step, no matter why the friendship ended
The first step feels scary because the outcome is uncertain, but that uncertainty doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try. To make reaching out easier, try these expert-approved tricks:
- Start small. A brief text or message is often enough to open the door.
- Name the awkwardness. Acknowledging that it feels uncomfortable can actually reduce tension.
- Give the other person space to respond. They may need time to process before engaging.
- Reframe rejection. A lack of response isn’t a judgment of your worth. If someone isn’t willing to attempt repair, the friendship likely wasn’t sustainable. “You can’t control their response,” Saunders-Waldron says. “You can only control whether you try.”
How to keep your renewed friendship strong
Reconnecting is only the first step of learning how to fix a broken friendship. Maintaining the friendship requires intention, consistency and follow-through. According to board-certified clinical psychologist Michael G. Wetter, PsyD, FAACP, friendships often fall apart not because of a single blowup but because “many people avoid addressing hurt feelings because they fear conflict or believe friendships should be easy and low effort.” Over time, he explains, “small disappointments accumulate, leading to emotional withdrawal.”
Jordan sees a similar pattern in her work, especially around boundaries. “In an effort to be nice or not be too difficult, people don’t communicate their boundaries,” she says. “After the boundaries keep getting broken over and over, they leave the friendship instead of dealing with several years of broken boundaries and all of the messy feelings that has led to over time.”
Understanding why friendships tend to unravel helps explain why the habits below matter. Keeping a renewed friendship strong isn’t about pretending the past didn’t happen—it’s about communicating needs clearly, addressing issues early, defining your nonnegotiables and setting boundaries that prevent the same problems from resurfacing.
Tips for keeping a repaired friendship healthy
- Talk about boundaries early. Many friendships fall apart not because of a single conflict, but because boundaries were never clearly communicated. When people try to “be nice” by staying silent about what bothers them, resentment builds quietly until the relationship feels unsustainable, Jordan explains.
- Clarify your needs. Be clear about the things you need in order to feel respected and supported. Use the reconnection as an opportunity to discuss expectations around communication, time, reliability and emotional support.
- Check in regularly. Repaired friendships benefit from small, consistent touchpoints that maintain connection and catch issues early.
- Address issues as they come up. Letting frustrations pile up often recreates the same patterns that caused the original rift. You’ll need to avoid this practice after a fight if you want to move forward, not repeat the past.
- Accept that the friendship may look different now. “You’re both different people than you were before the rift,” says Saunders-Waldron. “Maybe you were inseparable before, and now you’re more casual friends. That’s OK. It doesn’t have to be exactly what it was to still be valuable.”
How to know if it’s time to walk away
It may be time to walk away if trying to repair the friendship consistently harms your emotional well-being, but making that call isn’t always easy. Many people feel pressure to fix every relationship, even when doing so comes at a personal cost. As Saunders-Waldron puts it, not every friendship is meant to last forever, especially when “the person repeatedly disrespected you, violated boundaries or made you feel small.”
All the experts I spoke with emphasized that deciding not to reconnect doesn’t mean you failed or didn’t care enough. In some cases, it’s a sign of growth. “Not every relationship is beneficial,” says Wetter, who notes that chronic relational stress and emotionally unsafe dynamics are linked to poorer mental-health outcomes.
“One of the biggest mistakes people make is reconnecting out of guilt, nostalgia or obligation,” Jordan adds, “rather than an honest assessment of whether the relationship is truly repairable.”
One helpful way to evaluate that is to look at patterns, not promises. Jordan often advises clients to send a small “test balloon”—a low-stakes attempt at repair—and pay close attention to the response. “So you might send a message saying, ‘I want to talk about how I might have hurt you in the past and what I can do better,’ and if the person sends back an all-caps rage text about the 20 things they hate about you … it’s probably not recoverable.” As Jordan succinctly puts it, “That’s not rejection. That’s data.”
Signs it’s healthier not to reconnect
- Ongoing boundary violations
- Lack of accountability
- Emotional manipulation or dismissal
- A negative response to repair attempts
- Clear evidence that the relationship can’t change
Letting go doesn’t mean the friendship wasn’t meaningful, though. It means you’re prioritizing your emotional safety and self-respect.
About the experts
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For over 100 years, Reader’s Digest has explored the nuances of relationships, working with such luminaries as Dr. Ruth Westheimer, John Gottman, PhD, and Leo Buscaglia (“Dr. Love”). We ran a decade-long relationships column and have published a compendium of features, Love and Marriage: The Reader’s Digest Guide to Intimate Relationships. We support this information with credentialed experts and primary sources such as government and professional organizations, peer-reviewed journals and our writers’ personal experiences where it enhances the topic. We verify all facts and data and revisit them over time to ensure they remain accurate and up to date. Read more about our team, our contributors and our editorial policies.
Sources:
- Krista Jordan, PhD, board-certified clinical psychologist in Austin, Texas; interviewed, January 2026
- Everett Uhl, LMFT, licensed marriage and family therapist in North Carolina, Virginia and Washington, D.C.; interviewed, January 2026
- Keisha Saunders-Waldron, LCMHCS, licensed clinical mental health counselor supervisor based in North Carolina; interviewed, January 2026
- Michael G. Wetter, PsyD, FAACP, board-certified clinical psychologist in Encino, California; interviewed, January 2026
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