The “great wealth transfer”—that massive wave of nearly $124 trillion in assets expected to flow from Baby Boomers to their heirs over the next couple of decades—can sound like winning the lottery. But while it may be the largest generational handoff of money in American history, here’s what the financial headlines aren’t telling you: Along with the stocks, bonds and real estate, Millennials and Gen Xers are also inheriting something far more complicated to deal with.
We’re talking about stuff. Piles of it. Mountains.
“Older adults do tend to have a lot of possessions. This is because there was a point in our older adults’ lives, as they were becoming successful, [that] the more items you had, the more successful you were,” explains Laura Olivares, co-founder and president of Silver Solutions, a company that helps families navigate the emotional and logistical minefield of clearing out parents’ homes. After more than 20 years helping families through this process, she’s seen it all: the 50-year collections, the attics packed with “treasures” and the adult children who walk into their childhood home and wonder how on earth they’re going to fit a lifetime of memories into their 900-square-foot apartment.
Sound like a worry you’ve had after returning from visiting your folks over the holidays and getting a glimpse of their basement? If you’re bracing for this conversation—or avoiding it entirely—you’re very much not alone. We asked Olivares for her expert wisdom on how to help your parents let go of their belongings without destroying your relationship in the process. (Step No. 1? Absolutely do not call it “getting rid of the junk.”)
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Why is it so hard for your parents to let go of their things?
Your parents’ stuff isn’t just stuff to them—it represents their entire life story. That china cabinet gathering dust? It’s the first nice piece of furniture they bought after your dad got promoted. Those boxes of magazines from 1987? They contain articles your mom meant to share with you someday. Those crates of Beanie Babies that “are going to be worth a fortune”? They’re happy memories of a simpler era. The psychology runs deep.
“When we work with families, we never tell an older adult that their stuff is ‘junk’ or ‘crap’ or that their items actually aren’t worth anything,” Olivares says. “Because what you’re saying to them isn’t ‘this is bad, it isn’t useful.’ You’re saying a part of their life isn’t worth anything anymore. That’s what the older adult is hearing.”
And that hurts.
This is why rolling your eyes at your mom’s collection of decorative plates lands so differently from what you intended. You see clutter; she sees evidence of a life well-lived. The success-equals-possessions mindset was particularly strong for Boomers, who came of age during an era when a house full of nice things signaled that you’d made it. Asking them to let go isn’t just about clearing closet space; it can feel like asking them to erase their identity.
There’s also a security component. For many older adults, possessions represent stability and self-sufficiency. That garage full of tools or the basement full of stored food means they can handle whatever comes their way. Suggesting they don’t need all that stuff can inadvertently signal that you think they can’t take care of themselves anymore.
What’s so bad about the “great stuff transfer”?
The math gets uncomfy fast: Boomers own 37% of the homes in the U.S., though they make up just over 20% of the population. Many of those homes are larger than what their children can afford (or even want). Meanwhile, only about 55% of Millennials own homes, compared with nearly 80% of Boomers. And those Millennial homes are often significantly smaller, especially for anyone living in an urban area where a “spacious” apartment means you can open the refrigerator without hitting the couch.
So when Mom says, “I’m saving all this for you kids,” what it can feel like she’s really saying is, “I’m creating a future nightmare for you to deal with.”
And it’s not just the sheer volume that’s overwhelming—it’s also the emotional labor of deciding what to keep, what to sell, what to donate and what to reluctantly haul to the dump while feeling guilty about it. The burden falls heaviest on adult children who are already stretched thin.
According to Pew Research, many Gen Xers are now part of the “sandwich generation”—caring for both aging parents and their own children simultaneously. Adding “sort through 40 years of accumulated belongings” to that to-do list can be the straw that breaks the camel’s back.
Then there’s the sibling dynamic. Nothing brings out old family tensions quite like deciding who gets Grandma’s engagement ring or Dad’s vintage record collection. Olivares has seen it all: “There was a family standoff over Mom’s piano. The item itself was way too big to be passing around from family member to family member, yet even the child who didn’t play the piano still said they wanted it. Thankfully, we were able to help them see that what they really wanted was the memory of family gatherings around it. A meaningful photograph of the family at the piano was all they needed.”
But it’s this kind of drama—and dealing with things like moving a freaking grand piano—that makes people exhausted just thinking about dealing with their folks’ stuff.
When is the right time to discuss decluttering?
The best time to have this conversation is before there’s any urgency, ideally when your parents are healthy, independent and not facing an imminent move or health crisis. Think of it like talking about advance directives: The conversation is easier when it’s theoretical rather than when you’re standing in a hospital hallway.
Starting early offers real benefits. Your parents can be active participants in deciding where their meaningful items go, you can tackle the project in manageable chunks over months or years rather than a frantic weekend, and everyone avoids the added grief of sorting through belongings while actively mourning.
“I would do it when there’s no urgency,” Olivares advises. “Not over the holidays when everybody’s stressed. Make it very casual, easy—do a temperature check. How are they feeling about it?”
That said, certain life transitions do create natural openings. If your parents are considering downsizing to a smaller home, dealing with health changes that affect mobility or dealing with the loss of a spouse, these moments, while difficult, can make the conversation feel more relevant and less like an accusation.
As for the wrong time? Avoid ambushing your parents during family gatherings, launching into it when tensions are already high or bringing it up when they’re feeling particularly vulnerable. And definitely don’t lead with, “We need to talk about what happens when you die.” That’s a guaranteed conversation stopper.
How can you broach the topic without starting a fight?
The single most important piece of advice? Stop talking and start listening. “Spend more time listening to what your parents need and want,” Olivares says. “I know we walk in as the 50-year-old adult child, and we think we know better.”
It’s true that as everyone ages, the children begin to take on a more parental role, but this role swap can be upsetting, especially when adult children approach their parents like they’re managing an unruly subordinate rather than talking to their mom or dad. The tone shifts, the power dynamic flips and suddenly everyone’s hackles are up. Your parents have been making decisions for themselves for 70-plus years. They don’t need you to tell them their stuff is worthless junk.
Lead with love, not logistics
Instead of “We really need to go through this house because it’s filled with junk,” try “I love you, and I want you to be safe. How can we do this together?” Framing the conversation around their well-being rather than your convenience changes everything, Olivares says.
Ask about their vision first
Ask questions: “How do you want this to go? Do you want to stay in your home till the end?” If they do, work backward from there. What needs to happen to make that possible? If they came home with a walker tomorrow, would the pathways be clear? Would the furniture be stable? Suddenly, the conversation is about their goals, not your agenda.
Make it a project, not a purge
“If you can create fun projects with your parents, like going through old boxes of photos together, what a great memory to be able to have the time that you spent going through the memories together,” Olivares suggests.
One older adult she worked with created memory boxes specifically so she could go through them with her adult children during holiday visits. “The reality is, it wasn’t really about who was going to take what,” Olivares says. “It was the visit and the conversations and the actions of going through it that she was looking forward to.”
Use the right words
Olivares and her team have developed an entire vocabulary for these conversations, specifically avoiding language that diminishes the older adult’s sense of value.
Words to avoid:
- Trash
- Junk
- Chuck
- Discard
- Worthless
Words that work better:
- Preserve
- Safeguard
- Repurpose
- Donate
- Pass along
“Donation sounds so much better than discard when you’re speaking to your older adults,” Olivares notes. “Repurposing is way better than tossing it in the trash.”
Accept that you won’t win every argument
“You will not win every argument. You don’t have to,” Olivares says. “It’s baby steps.” Maybe this visit, you tackle the garage. Next time, the guest room closet. The goal is sustainable progress, not a reality TV–style makeover in a single weekend.
Resist the urge to diagnose
One more thing: “I would ask every adult child to stop calling their parents hoarders,” Olivares says firmly. Most people who have a lot of stuff are “accumulators,” not hoarders. True hoarding is a psychological condition that requires professional help. Throwing that label around casually doesn’t just hurt your parents’ feelings—it makes them cling to their belongings even harder. (And if they really are hoarders, then they have a mental illness that needs treatment, which is an entirely different conversation you should be having.)
What should you do with all that stuff?
So you’ve had the conversation, your parents are on board (or at least tolerating the process), and now you’re staring at a lifetime of accumulated belongings. Here’s how to approach it without losing your family relationships—or your mind.
Create a meaningful inventory
Before anything leaves the house, consider documenting it. Olivares’s team uses a platform that creates photo inventories with descriptions, essentially a memory book of the family’s belongings. “That inventory could also be a memory book for them,” she explains.
Even if items eventually get donated or discarded, the family has a visual record they can share with future generations.
Identify what’s truly meaningful
Ask your parents directly: What items matter most to you? The answer might surprise you. Sometimes it’s not the expensive antiques but a hand-stitched tablecloth from a great-grandmother or a seemingly ordinary chair where Dad used to read bedtime stories. Let them guide the priority list, and focus your preservation efforts there.
Donate strategically
Habitat for Humanity’s ReStore outlets are gold for furniture and household items—they accept a wide variety of goods and have locations across the country. Other options include local women’s shelters, refugee resettlement organizations and community theaters that might love vintage clothing or furniture for productions. When your parents can envision their beloved couch bringing joy to a young family just starting out, letting go becomes easier.
Consider the storage bridge
Sometimes people just aren’t ready to part with everything, and that’s OK. “Sometimes we use storage units as a temporary solution,” Olivares says. “Anything Mom or Dad can’t make a major decision on gets inventoried [and] put in storage, and the agreement is: We’ll hold it for six months or one year.”
If you go this route, keep these tips in mind:
- Choose a temperature-controlled unit (not a garage, attic or pod) for anything valuable or sentimental.
- Store above the first floor, if possible, to avoid flooding.
- Keep that inventory list so you know what’s actually in there when decision time comes.
Preserve memories digitally
Old photos, slides, VHS tapes and DVDs can all be converted to digital formats now. Companies will do this for you, or you can tackle it yourself with the right equipment. “Now you’ve got it on a thumb drive, you’ve got it on a link in the cloud—it’s wonderful,” Olivares says. “And that’s just another way to be able to share with other family members.”
Don’t force it if they’re not ready
Here’s the hardest advice to hear: If your parents truly don’t want to declutter and there’s no safety issue at play, you might need to let it go.
“Is the environment unsafe?” Olivares asks her clients. “Because if it’s just you being bothered because there’s clutter in the closet, I hate to say this to the adult child, but they kind of have to get over it.”
The reality, she says, is that “it’s gonna be a lot easier to empty the home after your parents have passed than it is to be fighting with them going through it. Why have them spend their last five to ten years fighting with you?”
What if you’re the one who needs to let go?
Yes, dealing with your parents’ stuff will take time and emotional energy. But it doesn’t have to be the burden you’re dreading. “If you can do it, why not do it in a much more gentle way and still get a good outcome?” Olivares asks.
Going through your parents’ belongings—whether they’re with you or you’re doing it after they’ve passed—is one of the last opportunities you’ll have to connect with their story. Those old photos you’re rolling your eyes at? They’re your history too. That collection you don’t understand? There’s probably a wonderful story behind it if you take the time to ask.
Maybe the real treasure isn’t what you’ll inherit. Maybe it’s the conversations you’ll have along the way—the stories your mom will tell while sorting through her costume jewelry, the memories your dad will share while deciding which tools to keep. Those moments, unlike the stuff itself, won’t take up any space at all.
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For over 100 years, Reader’s Digest has explored the nuances of relationships, working with such luminaries as Dr. Ruth Westheimer, John Gottman, PhD, and Leo Buscaglia (“Dr. Love”). We ran a decade-long relationships column and have published a compendium of features, Love and Marriage: The Reader’s Digest Guide to Intimate Relationships. We support this information with credentialed experts and primary sources such as government and professional organizations, peer-reviewed journals and our writers’ personal experiences where it enhances the topic. We verify all facts and data and revisit them over time to ensure they remain accurate and up to date. Read more about our team, our contributors and our editorial policies.
Sources:
- Laura Olivares, co-founder and president of Silver Solutions; interviewed Jan. 14, 2025
- Cerulli Associates: “The Cerulli Report: U.S. High-Net-Worth and Ultra-High-Net-Worth Markets 2024”
- Fortune: “The $124 Trillion Great Wealth Transfer Is Bigger Than Ever—And Millennials Will Get the Biggest Cut”
- Apartment List: “Apartment List’s 2025 Millennial Homeownership Report”
- Bloomberg Businessweek: “Millennials, Gen X Set to Inherit Boomers’ Antique, Collectible Fortunes”
- Redfin: “Gen Z and Millennial Homeownership Rates Flatlined in 2024 As Housing Costs Soared”
- Federal Reserve: “Distributional Financial Accounts”
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