Recently, my husband surprised me with a “get to know you” question game. Adorable, right? We’ve been married for more than 20 years, have five kids together and finish each other’s sentences, so I figured we’d crush it. Reader, we did not crush it. We barely limped across the finish line. Turns out he had no idea what my dream vacation destination is (it’s South Korea, babe), and I completely blanked on his favorite childhood memory. But the worst part was that we both whiffed the question about our first date. (HOW?!) It was humbling but also hilarious. And it reminded me that the right flirty questions to ask a girl aren’t just limited to those butterflies-in-your-stomach early days—they may be even more important the longer you’re together.
Of course, what you ask, and how you ask it, depends a lot on the relationship. The questions you’d ask someone you just met at a party look very different from the ones you’d ask your wife of two decades (though clearly, some of us need to be asking more of both).
To help navigate this and pinpoint the perfect questions, I reached out to Beth Darling, a former divorce lawyer turned sex and relationship counselor and the author of The 5 Kinds of Intimacy: How to Keep Your Love Alive. Based on her expert advice, we came up with questions for every stage of a relationship—from brand-new sparks to decades-long partnerships. “Flirting is the beginning of intimacy, and the right kinds of flirtatious questions can deepen that intimacy,” she says. “People think that love is the requirement for a relationship, but truly, love alone isn’t enough. If you don’t have intimacy, you don’t have a relationship—you have a roommate.”
Keep reading to discover our list of flirty questions to ask a girl, plus Darling’s expert tips on how to use them effectively.
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How to strike the right tone
So you’ve got the questions … but how do you actually deliver them without sounding like you’re reading off a clipboard? It’s all about tone. (And please, put down the clipboard.)
For someone you’ve just met, Darling recommends keeping things light and playful. You’re not trying to unlock her deepest childhood trauma on the first date; you’re just testing the waters to see if there’s a spark worth fanning. A teasing question delivered with a real smile beats an intense interrogation every time—no one wants to feel like they’re being vetted for a security clearance. And whatever you do, don’t leap straight to sex talk. “People hear the word intimacy and assume it means sex, but they’re not the same thing,” Darling says. “There is a wide range of ways to flirt, and the goal with asking flirty questions is to get to know the other person, not get in their pants.”
For longer relationships, you have the green light to go deeper—and honestly, you should. This is where flirty nicknames and inside jokes turn a simple question into something that feels like yours. And take it from someone who just bombed a couples quiz after two decades of marriage: There’s always more to discover. Always.
No matter the relationship stage, base your next move on her response. One girl’s “flirting” is another girl’s “ew, please stop talking.” Test the waters with a question or two, and if she’s into it, keep going. If she’s not, respect the boundary and pivot to safer conversational ground. Here are some ideas to get you started.
Flirty questions to ask a girl you just met

- When is the last time someone made you blush?
- If we could spend the whole night together, what would you want to do?
- If your life was a rom-com, what would your theme song be?
- Can I see the last selfie you took? Tell me the story behind it.
- Do you believe in fate, or do you think we create our own destiny?
- How direct would you want someone to be if they had feelings for you?
- If you were in a biker gang, what would your nickname be?
- What’s a hidden talent you have that most people don’t know about?
- Are you a morning person or a night owl? And do you prefer morning dates or evening dates?
- What’s your favorite cuisine, and what dish should we try together?
- What was the best thing that happened to you today?
- What’s a song that you’ll never admit to liking but secretly love?
- If you could have a romantic dinner with anyone from history, who would it be?
- What’s one movie you feel super passionate about?
- Has anyone ever told you that you are the most stunning woman in the world?
- Are you a cat person or a dog person? Would you like to meet my cat/dog?
- What’s your favorite guilty pleasure?
- What’s your favorite way to spend a rainy day?
- What’s one fact you wish every guy (or girl) understood?
- What’s the silliest argument you’ve ever gotten into with a stranger?
- What always makes you laugh?
- What is the cheesiest pickup line anyone’s ever tried on you? Did it work?
Flirty questions to ask a girl you have a crush on

- What’s the top song on your make-out playlist?
- Would you rather spend a whole day with me or a whole night with me?
- Do you scream on roller coasters? What if you were holding my hand?
- Who was your celebrity crush when you were growing up?
- Would you be more likely to say yes to bar trivia night or a sunrise hike for a date?
- What’s your favorite couples Halloween costume?
- Have you ever been kicked out of a public place, and if so, what’s the story?
- What’s your idea of a perfect date?
- What’s the most adventurous thing you’ve ever done?
- What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?
- If you could kiss any fictional character, who would it be?
- What’s your idea of a perfect weekend getaway?
- What’s your go-to dance move, and can I see it?
- What do romance movies get wrong most of the time?
- If you could have any superpower, what would it be?
- What’s the most disturbing thing under your bed?
- If you had to watch the same movie every day for a month, what would it be?
- If you designed your ideal dating app, what would it look like?
- Which is better: makeup sex or breakup sex?
- What’s the worst date you’ve ever been on?
Flirty questions to ask a new girlfriend

- What’s your favorite place to be kissed?
- If you were an ice cream cone, would you prefer to be licked or bitten?
- Little spoon or big spoon?
- Do you think Spider-Man’s upside-down kiss in the rain with Mary Jane is really hot or really gross? Would you ever want to recreate it?
- What’s your favorite way to relax after a long day?
- Which do you like more: good-morning texts or goodnight texts?
- Which would you be more scared of: skinny-dipping at a public beach or wearing a snowsuit on a nude beach?
- What’s your go-to outfit for feeling sexy?
- What’s your love language?
- What do you do if you wake up in the middle of the night and can’t go back to sleep?
- What first attracted you to me?
- What’s one movie that you wish could be real life?
- Do you like surprises?
- What’s something that you love but you’re not sure why?
- If you could take off one piece of my clothing, which would it be?
- Do you ever go commando? Would you tell me if you did?
- What do you think about right before you fall asleep?
- What’s your favorite thing about being in a relationship?
- What makes you feel safe with someone?
- What’s your most romantic travel destination?
- What’s your favorite flower?
Flirty questions to ask a longtime love or wife

- Which is sexier: me doing the dishes or me vacuuming?
- Foot rub or back rub?
- What’s a funny signal or word we can use to say we want to hook up without the kids understanding what we’re talking about?
- If you could switch lives with someone for a day, who would it be and why?
- Can you describe your favorite movie kiss?
- Do you remember the first time I told you “I love you”?
- Do you remember the first time you said “I love you” to me?
- If we recreated our first date, would you change anything?
- If I asked you to take off one piece of clothing, what would you pick?
- What’s your favorite thing about being married/partnered?
- What are you most excited about for our future together?
- What do you love about me?
- Can I tell you what I love most about you?
- What is the best gift someone has ever given you?
- What smell reminds you of me?
- Lights on, lights off or candles?
- When did you first realize that you were in love with me?
- Want to know when I first realized I was falling for you?
- What’s the best vacation we’ve ever taken together?
- What’s your favorite outfit that I wear?
- Hey, how YOU doin’? (Wink, wink)
Flirty questions to spice up a relationship

- If you could dip anything into chocolate and then eat it, what would it be?
- What’s the top song on your sexy playlist right now?
- What is your favorite part of your body? Can I guess it?
- Are you more turned on by smell, sight or touch?
- What is your ultimate fantasy?
- What is your favorite part of my body, and can you describe it without words?
- What’s your biggest nontraditional turn-on?
- Which Britney Spears song would you most like to act out?
- If you were cake, what kind of filling would you have?
- You have 10 minutes alone with me, and I can’t say no. What do you do?
- Shower, pool or hot tub?
- Back rubs in the front room or front rubs in the back room?
- What’s your favorite kind of foreplay?
- Where’s the craziest place you’ve ever had sex?
- What color underwear do you think I’m wearing right now?
- What question are you hoping I’ll ask you?
About the expert
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Why trust us
For over 100 years, Reader’s Digest has explored the nuances of relationships, working with such luminaries as Dr. Ruth Westheimer, John Gottman, PhD, and Leo Buscaglia (“Dr. Love”). We ran a decade-long relationships column and have published a compendium of features, Love and Marriage: The Reader’s Digest Guide to Intimate Relationships. For this piece on flirty questions to ask a girl, Charlotte Hilton Andersen tapped her experience as an award-winning journalist who frequently covers etiquette, relationships, psychology, health and lifestyle for Reader’s Digest. We support this information with credentialed experts and primary sources such as government and professional organizations, peer-reviewed journals and our writers’ personal experiences where it enhances the topic. We verify all facts and data and revisit them over time to ensure they remain accurate and up to date. Read more about our team, our contributors and our editorial policies.
Source:
- Beth Darling, relationship counselor and author The 5 Kinds of Intimacy: How to Keep Your Love Alive and Love and Laughter: Sexy (Meaningful) Fun for Everyone; interviewed, September 2023
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