When my husband got his dream job, I was thrilled for him. The only catch? It was 1,000 miles from everyone we loved. Suddenly, I went from having Sunday dinners with my parents to scheduling calls around time zones—and let me tell you, explaining daylight saving time to my toddlers was its own special challenge. No more impromptu walks with my sister. No more sick-day deliveries of homemade soup from my mom. Just me, my little family and a whole lot of empty space where our support system used to be. As we drove away in the moving van, I ugly-cried into a gas station napkin. How would I stay part of their lives from a million miles away? Would my kids even know their grandparents? Would I become the cousin everyone vaguely remembers exists?
If you’ve ever moved far from home, whether for a job opportunity, to be closer to your partner’s family or simply because life took you elsewhere, you know that same worry. According to Pew Research Center data, about 1 in 5 Americans don’t live near any extended family members. That’s millions of people navigating birthdays, holidays and everyday life without their people nearby.
But living far from family doesn’t mean you can’t stay close. It’s been years since we made that move—we still don’t live in the same state as a single other family member—and somehow, we’ve not only survived, but we’ve actually gotten pretty good at this long-distance thing.
With intention, creativity and, yes, a little help from technology, you can maintain those bonds that matter most. I spoke with family counselor Will Dempsey, LICSW, who recently moved across the country himself, and clinical psychologist Clary Tepper, PhD, to get their strategies for staying connected across the miles. Read on for the expert-backed tips.
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We’re living farther from family than ever
Well, sort of. While about 55% of Americans live within an hour’s drive of at least some extended family, the remaining 45% are scattered much farther. And for certain populations, that gap is widening.
High-income white people, for instance, live farther from family than ever before. That’s what Georgia State researchers discovered after crunching 40 years of data on Americans’ distance from kin. Lower-income Americans and high-income Black people still stick closer to home. In the latter’s case, that’s likely by choice, suggesting our proximity to family sometimes comes down to how we prioritize that bond.
Adults with postgraduate degrees are also more likely to live far from family than those with less formal education, the Pew researchers found. The reason? Career opportunities, plain and simple. The better-paying jobs often aren’t in our hometowns, forcing us to choose between professional success and staying close to the people who actually know how to make our favorite childhood comfort food.
But what exactly counts as “long distance”? Research shows the typical American adult lives just 18 miles from their mother—close enough for impromptu Sunday dinners and emergency babysitting. So when we talk about long-distance family relationships, we’re referring to families beyond easy visiting distance: a few hours’ drive, different states or even different countries altogether. That means maintaining relationships not just across miles but also across time zones. It also means working out video call schedules and answering the eternal question of whose turn it is to visit whom.
Connection matters more than ever
My first holiday season away from family hit hard—until I remembered that proximity came with its own price tag: endless negotiations over whose house we’d visit, whose feelings we’d hurt, which relatives’ “famous” casseroles required heroic choking down. It was essentially a custody battle without the lawyers and with exponentially more guilt trips.
Distance got us out of those festive feuds and gave us permission to build our own traditions, including ones centered around connecting with distant family members. (I started a family recipe exchange/cookbook tradition that has turned into one of my favorite parts of the season—more on that below.) Turns out, loving people is easier when you’re not fighting over whose turn it is to host Thanksgiving. But here’s the reality check: These long-distance connections don’t maintain themselves. So why bother putting in all this effort?
Family, whether biological or chosen family, are often the only people who remember that embarrassing thing you did in seventh grade and still love you anyway. They share your history, ground you during life’s chaos and pick up the phone when you need to vent about your boss for the third time this week. Dempsey points out that regular communication does more than prevent the awkward “So … how’ve you been for the past six months?” It also strengthens feelings of belonging, reduces loneliness and keeps relationships meaningful even as life gets messy.
The science backs this up too. Tepper explains that maintaining family connections, even from afar, reinforces secure attachment patterns and acts as an emotional anchor. This means that staying close to your people can help you handle stress better, bounce back from setbacks faster and generally keep your mental health in better shape.
Quick PSA: Not everyone has positive family relationships. If your family is a source of stress, not comfort, you’re not obligated to maintain those bonds just because you share DNA. The goal is investing in relationships that actually nourish you—whether that’s your biological family, your chosen family or a mix of both.
How to stay connected to long-distance family
Ready to maintain those bonds without moving back home? Good news! You don’t need grand gestures, just consistency. (And Wi-Fi. Definitely Wi-Fi.)
Schedule regular check-ins
Dempsey’s advice? A weekly 10-minute call beats radio silence every time. My family does Sunday Zoom calls (meaning they call me when they are all gathered for Sunday dinner). Sometimes we talk about deep stuff; other times we discuss weather patterns, debate whether Mom actually needs bifocals and watch my dad accidentally unmute himself mid-snack. With such regular catch-ups, I get to see my little nieces and nephews growing in real time.
Those mundane little moments are what keep you close. So pick a time, stick to it and remember that with family, messy hair and yesterday’s pajamas are totally acceptable video chat attire.
Share the mundane stuff in real time
Dempsey adds that you shouldn’t save everything for the official call. Text your sister a photo of your terrible parking job. Send your dad a meme that reminds you of his dad jokes. Share the random Tuesday moments—they’re the ones that actually matter.
Just maybe don’t send 47 consecutive texts to the group chat, because even family members have limits.
Create shared rituals and projects
Find something you can do “together” while apart. Dempsey suggests watching the same show and texting commentary or starting a weekly game competition. Tepper recommends bigger collaborative projects, like family cookbooks or digital scrapbooks—things that build shared history even when you’re building it from different ZIP codes.
When I moved, I created a family cookbook with everyone’s recipes and the stories behind them. Now, when I make my sister’s Christmas cookies, I’m 1,000 miles away but somehow right there in her kitchen. Plus, I have written proof that, yes, her “pinch of salt” is actually a quarter teaspoon, no matter what she claims.
Actually show up (mentally) when you connect
Distraction is the Achilles’ heel of communication these days, and it’s way worse over digital communications. Resist the temptation to multitask, Tepper says. When you’re talking to family, don’t simultaneously scroll Instagram, answer emails and shop online.
Real talk: Your family can feel your distraction even through the screen, Tepper says. And honestly, if your mom can guilt-trip you in person, she can definitely guilt-trip you via video. Be present. Ten focused minutes beat 30 distracted ones every time.
Get creative with celebrations
Can’t make it to Grandma’s 80th? Record a family birthday song video. Missing a graduation? Send a card with a handwritten note (remember those?).
For big holidays, we’ve done virtual gift openings and streamed Christmas morning live. A good friend mails “birthday in a box” packages complete with decorations and cake mix to her kids across the country. It’s not the same as being there, but it allows all of you to stay part of the joy.
Put visits on the calendar
This is crucial: Schedule in-person time, even if it’s six months out. Dempsey points out that having a reunion to look forward to makes the distance bearable. We block out a summer week annually, plan it a year ahead and then spend 12 months looking forward to it.
When you finally get together, don’t overschedule. Even during an exciting family vacation, the best moments are usually the unplanned ones—the late-night kitchen conversations, the spontaneous board games and the mornings when nobody gets dressed until noon.
Use digital platforms thoughtfully
Social media and digital tools get a bad rap, but they can be incredibly valuable for family connection when used intentionally. You can use Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, group texting, Slack and other digital platforms to share stories, memories, photos and life updates in ways that keep everyone in the loop, Tepper says.
Worried about privacy? Create a private group or shared photo album. My family has a group Facebook chat (that seems to work best when some group members are in other countries) where we share everything from serious news to silly pet videos, and it helps us feel like we’re still part of one another’s daily lives.
Send emotional voice notes
This is one of Tepper’s favorite strategies. She recommends sending voice notes or memos about events that include feelings and reflections. “This type of emotional disclosure can deepen intimacy and help people feel closer,” she says.
There’s something special about hearing someone’s voice—the tone, the emotion, the little pauses and laughs. It’s a small gesture that can have a big impact.
It’s not easy, but it is worth it
I’ll be totally honest with you: Living far from family is hard, sometimes brutally hard. There will be moments when you’d trade your entire streaming subscription collection just to have your mom show up with tea and a hug. Times when you’re crying on the bathroom floor and desperately need your sister to tell you that you’re being ridiculous (but also that she loves you). Nights when you just want to sit across a table from your dad and listen to him tell that same story for the 100th time because somehow it’s comforting.
But after years of long-distance family life, I’ve learned that distance doesn’t have to equal disconnection. Yes, the technology helps—thank you, whoever invented video calling. But what really makes the difference is the decidedly low-tech act of showing up. Week after week, call after call, text after slightly too-long text. It’s choosing connection even when Netflix is calling your name. It’s building new traditions that work for your scattered tribe—even if those traditions involve teaching Grandpa how to unmute himself for the 17th time.
Because the truth is that family isn’t really about proximity. It never was. Creating meaningful relationships with your loved ones is about showing up for one another in whatever way you can—even when “showing up” means pressing a video call button instead of knocking on a door, sending a care package instead of bringing over soup or texting “thinking of you” from 1,000 miles away instead of saying it over coffee.
The love doesn’t shrink with the distance. If anything, making it work across all those miles might just make you appreciate it more.
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For over 100 years, Reader’s Digest has explored the nuances of relationships, working with such luminaries as Dr. Ruth Westheimer, John Gottman, PhD, and Leo Buscaglia (“Dr. Love”). We ran a decade-long relationships column and have published a compendium of features, Love and Marriage: The Reader’s Digest Guide to Intimate Relationships. We support this information with credentialed experts and primary sources such as government and professional organizations, peer-reviewed journals and our writers’ personal experiences where it enhances the topic. We verify all facts and data and revisit them over time to ensure they remain accurate and up to date. Read more about our team, our contributors and our editorial policies.
Sources:
- Will Dempsey, LICSW, founder of Heads Held High Counseling; email interview, Nov. 21, 2025
- Clary Tepper, PhD, clinical psychologist; email interview, Nov. 21, 2025
- Pew Research Center: “More than half of Americans live within an hour of extended family”
- LendingTree: “57% of Young Americans Live in Their Hometowns, but 47% Who Don’t Would Consider Moving Back”
- Georgia State University: “Study: White, High-Income People More Likely to Move Farther from Family”
- NPR: “New York Times’ Report Finds Most Americans Live Close To Mom”
- Marketplace: “Study finds that 8 in 10 young adults move back close to their hometowns – or never left”
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