A long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away—OK, fine, cineplexes across the country circa the summer of 1987—a comedy movie called Spaceballs made audiences of all ages laugh themselves silly. Co-writer and director Mel Brooks, who had already parodied Westerns in Blazing Saddles and horror in the comedy classic Young Frankenstein, took aim at the earnest Star Wars saga and gave us a memorable array of sidesplitting Spaceballs quotes that still hold up.
The plot? Space rogue Lone Starr (Bill Pullman) and his hairy half-man/half-dog pal Barf (John Candy) set out to rescue Princess Vespa (Daphne Zuniga) and restore peace in the universe. The cast also included Rick Moranis as a Darth Vader–like villain named Dark Helmet, George Wyner as his too-dutiful second-in-command Colonel Sandurz, Joan Rivers (well, her voice) as the C3PO-like droid Dot Matrix, and Brooks himself as the wise old Yogurt (and also President Skroob). And forget the Force—Spaceballs relied on the guiding adage “May the Schwartz be with you.”
And it still is! The 99-year-old (!) Brooks confirmed in a June 12 social media video that an untitled Spaceballs sequel is due in 2027. “After 40 years, we asked, ‘What do the fans want?'” the filmmaker says. “But instead, we’re making this movie.” Brooks is back as Yogurt, with Pullman and an out-of-retirement Moranis set to reprise their respective roles. Keke Palmer and Pullman’s actor son, Lewis Pullman (who recently starred in Thunderbolts*), are also part of the cast. As Josh Gad, a producer, co-writer and possible star, recently told Reader’s Digest, “We have something very fun in store for the fans.”
So how on earth are we going to pass the time until the new Spaceballs release? To start, let’s revisit the original’s funniest lines. Just a heads-up: Some of these Mel Brooks Spaceballs quotes are definitely NSFW!
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Spaceballs quotes from Dark Helmet
- “I can’t breathe in this thing!”
- “Now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb.”
- “My brains are going into my feet!”
- “I am your father’s brother’s nephew’s cousin’s former roommate.”
- “Out of order?! F—! Even in the future nothing works!”
- “So the combination is … one, two, three, four, five? That’s the stupidest combination I’ve ever heard in my life! That’s the kind of thing an idiot would have on his luggage.”
- “I always have coffee when I watch radar—you know that!”
- “Yes, we’re gonna have to go right to ludicrous speed.”
- “You have the ring. And I see that your Schwartz is as big as mine. Now, let’s see how well you handle it.”
- “I knew it! I’m surrounded by a—holes.”
- “What’s the matter, Colonel Sandurz? Chicken?”
Spaceballs quotes from Colonel Sandurz
- “Prepare ship for ludicrous speed! Fasten all seat belts, seal all entrances and exits, close all shops in the mall, cancel the three-ring circus, secure all animals in the zoo!”
- “Are we being too literal, sir?”
- “It’s Megamaid, sir! She’s gone from suck to blow!”
- “We’re at ‘now,’ now!”
- “That is his name sir. A—hole. Major A—hole.”
- “No sir, I didn’t see you playing with your dolls again.”
Spaceballs quotes from Yogurt
- “May the Schwartz be with you.”
- “Please, please, don’t make a fuss. I’m just plain Yogurt.”
- “God willing, we’ll all meet again in Spaceballs 2: The Search for More Money.”
- “Spaceballs, the T-shirt! Spaceballs, the coloring book! Spaceballs, the lunchbox! Spaceballs, the breakfast cereal! Spaceballs, the flamethrower! The kids love this one.”
Spaceballs quotes from Barf
- “I’m a Mawg: half man, half dog. I’m my own best friend.”
- “They’ve gone to plaid!”
- “Look, your highness, it’s not that we’re afraid. Far from it. It’s just that we got this thing about death. It’s not us.”
Spaceballs quotes from Lone Starr
- “Listen, we’re not just doing this for money. We’re doing it for a sh—load of money!”
- “You listen! On this ship, you’re to refer to me as ‘idiot,’ not ‘you captain.’ I mean … you know what I mean.”
- “Oh, great. That’s just what we needed: a Druish princess.”
Spaceballs quotes from Dot Matrix
- “Here I am! I’m sorry! I had to make a pit stop! I’m so excited that I couldn’t hold my oil.”
- “That was my virgin alarm. It’s programmed to go off before you do.”
- “Can we talk? OK, we all know Prince Valium is a pill. But you could have married him for your father’s sake and had a headache for the next 25 years.”
Other funny Spaceballs quotes
- “If you can read this, you don’t need glasses.” —Opening crawl
- “My hair! He shot my hair! Son of a b—.” —Princess Vespa
- “The ship is too big. If I walk, the movie will be over.” —President Skroob
- “Sandurz, Sandurz! You got to help me! I don’t know what to do. I can’t make decisions! I’m a president!” —President Skroob
- “You idiots! These are not them! You’ve captured their stunt doubles!” —Captain of the Guard
- “I’ve lost the bleeps, I’ve lost the sweeps and I’ve lost the creeps.” —Radar Technician
- “Excuse me, I’m trying to conduct a wedding here, which has nothing to do with love! Please be quiet!” —The minister
- “Lock one. Lock two. Lock three. Loch Lomond!” —Snotty
- “Oh, yes, sir, Snotty beamed me twice last night. It was wonderful.” —Commanderette Zircon
- “On a sadder note, Pizza the Hutt was found dead earlier today in the backseat of his stretch limo. Evidently, the notorious gangster became locked in his car and ate himself to death. Coming up, Pongo’s review of Rocky 5 … Thousand!” —TV newsman
- “Please bring her back safely! [pause] And if it’s at all possible, try to save the car. It’s not insured.” —King Roland
- “Oh, no. Not again!” —John Hurt (reprising his Alien role)
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Sources:
- Deadline: “Bill Pullman & Rick Moranis Returning For New ‘Spaceballs’; Keke Palmer, Lewis Pullman Also Set – The Dish”
- Spaceballs
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